Category: gay

Regular

I keep seeing this point from trans-women, which is that they don’t want to date someone who ‘fetishizes’ them. I really don’t get this, where I completely understand someone not wanting to date somebody that fetishizes their obesity problem.

It could be one of those things where the term we’re using doesn’t accurately describe the behavior we don’t find desireable. I mean, if someone dates you exclusively to have sex with you, we all know that’s not acceptable as a healthy relationship, regardless of sexual fetishes at play.

But if someone walked up to me and said “I’m attracted to tall guys.” As someone who’s 6’4", I would never think of that behavior as fetishizing. The word for word definition is “The act of making something an object of a sexual fetish.” So I guess if someone only dates tall guys, they’re fetishizing me.

But we do that anytime we look at porn of trans-women. Or black men fucking white women. Or just two dudes fucking. Or anytime we don’t look at white, straight sex in missionary for the sole purposes of reproduction. We can’t paint with this broad of a brush; preferences are not a bad thing.

The only time sexual objectifing is bad is if you’re actively having sex with the person you’re objectifing. Any other time, it’s an ilrellivant thought in someone’s head. I think policing the head-space of people you date(and potential dates) is a little telling in the type of person you are. At the same time, don’t objectify your sexual partners.

Okay, now can we stop worrying about being ‘objectified’? People who enjoy what you are or what you have, fundamentally are not good or bad people, and them pursuing you over that kink is perfectly fine, because at the end of the day only you can decide who you date or fuck. Don’t lump people into a nonsensical category and extrapolate behavior from a thought.

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